Friday, December 3, 2010


Ok, if I wasn't the shiznit before, I soooo am now. I now feel comfortable enough to say that I am a non-smoker! I have not smoked for 60 hours!!

I'm doing rather well too! Oh, I wasn't at first, but we won't talk about that. Noo... that's got way too much blood and gore in it. Lets talk about now where I am doing pretty well, and only have the big cravings sometimes, and are handled by me doing a cleaning spree.

My husband is sad because this cleaning spree only lasts 30 minutes to an hour at the most. I, on the other hand, am thrilled! No smoking and a clean (ok, clean-ER) house?! In the words of the Miz... I'm the mom, and I'm awesome! Of course, this is causing me to be a touch neurotic... but it's the price you pay. Aaaannndd of course, I've replace one bad habit with another. COFFEE.

Don't get me wrong. I love, love, loved coffee before, but NOW..... Oh. My. Gawd! I wouldn't have made it through the first day without it.  I'm all -

of course I'm balanced... I do have one in each hand, duh! ( Yes, I'm aware I add lots of random pics. I see them, and I go - I like this one, I like that one, oh oh gotta have that one. hehe. Oh well )

I'm going to feel really stupid if I relapse. Yes, I know that's a term most addicts use. I am an addict. Thanks to having a mother that smoked and a sister 8 years older than me with friends that smoked I started smoking when I was only 8 years old. By the time I was 10 I was smoking a pack a day... That means I've been smoking for almost 20 years!

I did quit all the way one other time... When I was pregnant with Michael. I started back the night he died. It's been a big part of my comforting when it comes to losing him and I haven't been able to completely stop since. Please don't lecture me. I'm trying. It's been hard. Not a good excuse, I know. But it's the only one I have.

Anyway. I can truthfully say that already I am seeing the positive effects of quitting. My sense of smell has picked up greatly, and I can taste things a lot better. For instance. Yesterday we ordered pizza. I was across the room getting plates and realized I could smell the banana pepper in the box! Usually I can be standing over the open box and not smell it. Then last night hubby cooked dinner while I went to the store. (I think he'd rather pull his nails out with pliers before shopping) One of the things we had was corn. While eating I sat there and took in the fact that it tasted different. I thought maybe he had used canned instead of frozen like we normally do, thus causing a different taste. But no, he said he hadn't. It had a LOT more flavor! Weird.

Sooo, yeah. So far I'm rockin' it out, and so incredibly proud of myself. It's so liberating. I've been chained to this addiction for so long! I've felt like a failure my entire teenage and adult life. I know that sounds heavy, but it's the honest truth. Doing this.... it's such a big thing to me. It's something for all of my family, but really, mostly for me. It's been so long since I've done something for myself. And it's been a long time since I've had a reason to be truly proud of myself. (Other than raising amazing kids!) This is a great thing even on the surface, but I feel something much more powerful and momentous brewing. I finally feel like I've taken a little power back in my life, and that's quite a feat.

What about you? Is there anything you've overcome? Is there something you've experience that was truly powerful?

1 comment:

  1. I'm so insanely proud of you! Keep at it, girlie!